I have finally figured out what these feelings are and what they mean. I feel bad for still being alive. It’s not those kinds of suicidal thoughts that makes you wanna hit the wall and tear your room apart. But those suicidal thoughts which is calm and just makes you wanna disappear, nothing else, just fade away and make everyone forget about you, ‘cause it would be the best for family and friends and whatever.
Just want to disappear or run away alone into the woods and fade away and just be nothing.
Monday and tuesday have so far been amazing, I haven’t felt this good in a long long time! I’m just so scared for tomorrow.. I fear the moment when this happiness will disappear and I will, once again, be a monster, a zombie..